Are we just missing the blessing before us?

Today, I am struggling a lot with the idea of (still potentially, possibly, maybe-- nothing certainly) leaving. I had a good long talk with my dad this morning. He challenged me to really ponder if we're doing this for us, or for God. I know, going to work for a church has all the glitterings of doing this for God. But what have we been looking at most? Where's the cheapest place to live? Where can we get a swankier house for a fraction of what we're paying now? How soon can we start packing? Those are all "we/I" statements. Do any of those actually revolve around God and his will for us?

Justin's heart's desire was to be back in youth ministry. Well, he blessed the congregation at First Lutheran here with his presence; he was an immediate answer to their prayers. They called it a miracle. They offered him the part time position, and, because of his experience and education, they upped the rate that they were planning to pay. Did we celebrate that as we should have? No. We were too focused on living elsewhere with a job that has yet to materialize.

Now that Justin is on the call list, names of churches just keep getting crossed off. Are we just narrowing things down to find the perfect one? And, though we're only a few days in, we still haven't heard from our "first choice"...I feel like we're waiting for college acceptance letters all over again!

Always the planner, I made a cost of living comparison spreadsheet. Of course, everywhere else is ridiculously cheaper to live. (Our town-- considered to be the lower cost area around here, too-- is 45% more expensive than the national average for housing, and above the national average for EVERYTHING?) But that has nothing to do with God's will or what's best for our family. First of all, he could get paid peanuts for an incredibly demanding job, and we'd still struggle financially, maybe worse than now. I know my focus has been on how much money we'd spend/save. And you know what they say about money.  But what is the cost of relocating? Besides the obvious financial cost of moving our stuff, buying a house, furnishing if needed, etc., there's a huge cost to our emotional bank. Yes, money is extraordinarily tight, and there is the very real possibility that Justin will be completely out of work/health insurance come Nov. 30. But what do we have here? We have family who loves us and enjoys being regular stead in our lives, and the feeling is mutual. (Ok, did I mention that I have reverse-abandonment issues?) We have AMAZING friends. (Do I tell you guys how much I love you??? Because I really, really do.) We've found ourselves a fantastic church where we can really be a blessing and be blessed (and he can check off the youth ministry fulfillment). He also has his kid that he tutors, with whom he's developed a real rapport, and the little guy is excelling as a result. So, what would be taken out of our emotional bank? And, something I hadn't really thought of beyond my family, what are we robbing from others' emotional banks?

If the Lord does lead us in a different direction, I don't want any one's emotional/spiritual banks depleted at our expense. If we're led elsewhere, I want His will and light to shine through all the skepticism and doubt that would veil the potential good. Basically, it has to be ABUNDANTLY clear to everyone that it's absolutely HIS will, not ours.

I get a daily devotional in my email. Sometimes I read it, sometimes I don't. Today, though, I did, and I'm really glad I chose to.  Isaiah 26: 3-4 "You, Lord, give true peace. You give peace to those who depend on you. You give peace to those who trust in you. So trust the Lord always. Trust the Lord because He is our Rock forever." The writer gave her readers the challenge to complete a series of statements, record them, date and sign them, so that when the next series of trials come, you can go back and read it and know that regardless of the circumstances, God is the same. So here goes.

I have tried to find peace in: Justin getting a good job doing something/anything so we can be financially secure and happy, while making everyone in my world happy.

The valley I am facing today is: barely being able to make ends meet, job uncertainty, justifying moving and possibly not having the support of my family, making poor choices, not focusing on what God wants for us vs. what we want from God.

Until today, my response to this valley has been to: Plan. Think. Try to figure it out before God does. Focus on the problem than the solution.

I now turn it all over to God and choose to rest in Him, the Shepherd of my valley forever.